Lords of Parody The Merlinator
by Dr. Simon Overlord
Summary: A kind of retelling of "The Terminator", with a few exceptions and and a few additions Comedic element, change of names .


This was written previous from learning of this site. In that time, I wrote a "parody", where I changed the names and wrote them in a sort of movie scripting form. In a latter date, I may even change this to a form easier to understand to the outsider.

The "Lords of Parody" is a group that takes popular films and adds some comedy and removes any particularily adult content. I have written other "scripts" besides this one, and I invite you to look at them as well. On that note, enjoy the script.

_**The Merlinator**_

Scene 1

The Streets

_the Merlinator is dressed in all black. He is curved into the fetal position. He gets up, and walks across the street, in the middle of the street. he finds a park, and sits on a bench, next to Dude._

Dude: Nice night for a walk, eh?

Merlinator: Nice night for a walk.

Dude: Nothing clean, right?

Merlinator: Nothing clean, right.

Dude: You're real lean, been hitting the gym?

Merlinator: Your clothes, give them to me now.

Dude: What? _merlinator attacks him _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

_The Merlinator appears in Dude's clothing, which has a leather jacket, and awesome sunglasses. _

Merlinator: Yeah, baby, yeah!

_Danny Reese appears _

Danny: Where the heck am I? _beat _Oh, yeah, I remember now! Something about saving Sean Conner's mother? _Beat _Oh, right! I have to save her from the Merlinator, who is programmed to kill her so that Sean Conner was never born! _Looks at himself _Oh my god! I'm naked! _Walks up to Woman_

Danny: Can I borrow a pair of your clothes?

Woman: Oh, you bet, sure. Come on inside. _Fading dialogue into the distance_

Scene 2

In Some Guy's House

Some Guy: Why did that guy just steal the phone book instead of the $20,000 that happened to be right next to the window?

The Streets

_The Merlinator is looking through the phone book. It has the following:_

Linnea P. Conner

Linnea L. Conner

Linnea H. Conner

Bob T. Conner

Lawrence Conner

F. U. Conner

Linnea J. Connor

_Merlinator's finger goes to Linnea P. Conner's address. It says _1234 I Don't Know Lane, Dundas, NY, 22222

Linnea P. Conner's House

_The Merlinator awkwardly walks up to Linnea P. Conner's House and knocks on the door._ _Linnea P. Conner answers it._

Linnea P. Conner: Who are you?

Merlinator: Are you Linnea Conner?

Linnea P. Conner: Are you new to this neighborhood?

Merlinator: _beat _Yes. What's your name?

Linnea: Uh, well, I don't know if-

_Merlinator kicks her leg_

Linnea: Ow!

Merlinator: What's your name?

Linnea: My name is Linnea Conner. What now?

_Beat_

_Merlinator kicks her to death_

Merlinator: Lameo. _goes over to a table in her house and takes a phone book_ I need some tools.

Scene 3

Woman's House

_Danny Reese is sitting on a couch drinking hot chocolate_

Danny: Thank you so much.

Woman: Oh, you know, no problem at all.

Danny: Say- what's the date?

Woman: March 20th.

Danny: Oh. _beat _OK, I know this sounds weird, but- what year?

Woman: The year?

Danny: Uh, yeah.t

A Gun Shop

_Merlinator enters the gun shop. A shot of all of the guns, nerf or ridiculous looking in general._

Merlinator: A 33 gage Revolver Automatic.

Casher: OK, is that...

Merlinator: And A Plasma Turbo Double Deluxe Sniper.

Casher: Wow, you know your weapons. Is that all?

Merlinator: And a Willagano Hoppy Dancey pistol.

Casher: Which one?

Merlinator: Both.

Casher: What? Nuh-uh, choose one!

_Merlinator loads the gun_

Casher: Not fair!

_Merlinator shoots casher, who falls over_

Merlinator: Is too.

_Merlinator walks out. Casher gets up_

Casher: Is not! _Merlinator shoots again and casher falls over again_

Linnea H. Conner's House

_Termiator's red wierdo view appears. The following words appear:_

Hi. Wecome to Merlinator's brain.

Target Linnea Conner: Alive.

Other Linnea Conners Dead: 5

Linnea Conner's Remaining: 3

Command: Go to Linnea H. Conner's House

Okey dokey then.

_Merlinator walks up to Linnea H. Conner's House, knocks on the door. Unknown roommate answers._

UR: Yes?

Merlinator: _innocent voice_ Hi. Can I speak to Linnea please?

UR: What for?

Merlinator: You know, I just want to talk to her for just a second.

UR: I'm afraid she's kind of busy. Maybe if you came back....

Merlinator: God, this is pointless! _Shoves her out of the way and walks over to Linnea H. and shoots her.__t_

_Merlinator's Screen read the following:_t

Target: Linnea H. Conner

Right Target: No.

Reactions:

Oh, that's too bad.

Yeah, that means I get to kill again!

WHY? WHY? I HATE LIFE!!!

Darn.

Fall over on floor dead.

Merlinator: Darn.

_Walks out of the house_t

Scene 4

Channel 8 News

Reporter: _on the news _We have witnessed one of the strangest serial murders of all time. All of the victims go by one name: Linnea Conner. 6 people by the name of Linnea Conner have been killed in the past week. One, named Fred Unius Conner, reports meeting this cold blooded killer.

F. U. Conner: Well, I answered my front door one day, you know, answering the door and stuff, and there's this guy, ya know, like with like whatsit called yellow whatever, uh, blonde hair. So yeah, I asked him, you know, asked him what he wanted. And he was like, "Are you-" uh, what's her name? Uh, oh yeah, it was like, "Are you Linnea Conner?" and I, like, you know, never even heard of a, like, person named Linnea Conner, so I was like, "No" and he like asked, like, where she was, and I was like "Dude, I don't know." and he got like, all mad and stuff, so he got out that whatever thing and like threatened me and I was like, "OH MY GOD!" and he was like, "Where's Linnea Conner?" and I was like, you know, "I like, seriously don't know, dt

ude." and so he got up and left.

Reporter: Police are investigating this crime. But they, among everyone else, has one question on their lips: Who will be next?

Linnea Conner (the real one)'s house

Linnea Conner: How do I look?

Linnea's Roommate: Marvelous, darling, abst

olutely marvelous.

Linnea: Thank goodness, this job interview is going to be important, and I don't want anything to mess it up.

Roomate: Oh Linnea, nothing could ever mess up with you.

Linnea: You're too kind.

Roommate: You know, just as long as there isn't anyone that tries to kill you tonight.

Linnea: Oh, be serious.

Roommate: I don't know, 6 people, Linnea.

Linnea: You are such a goof. _ruffles Roommate's hair _You sure you're going to be alright watching Full House" all night?

Roommate: Sure, I always thought of myself a lot like D. J.

Linnea: _beat _You're NOTHING like D.J..

Roommate: … So?

Scene 5

Woman's House

Woman: You mind if I turn on the news?

Danny: Oh, sure, go ahead.

Woman: _as she reaches for the remote _I just want to see what's on the news. Maybe there's some more on that Conner case.

Danny: What Conner case?

Woman: Oh, there's this- never mind, see it for yourself.

Woman's TV

Channel 8 News

Reporter: We have checked throughout the city to find a magnificent case: there is only one more Linnea Conner remaining.

Danny: Her name is Linnea Conner?

Woman: Shhhh!

Reporter: We have yet to find this woman, if we can before it's too late. Of course, police are going to be tracking them down and doing whatever necessary to stop this killer.

Danny: Holy crap. _To woman _I gotta go. _Runs out the door_

_Woman sits in thought, and then dials the telephone_

Woman: Hello? Police? I think I found our killer.

Scene 6

Klub Krazy

_Linnea Conner waits at her table. Waiter walks up._

Waiter: Is there anything I can get you?

The Streets

_The Merlinator loads his gun._

Police Center

_Police team assembles._

Officer Johnson: _to himself_ This is gonna get dirty. _To team _Make sure you eat something through drive-thru, because tonight we dine with a serial killer!

_Police team cheers._

The Streets

_Danny runs for his life up to Linnea Conner's house. He begins knocking ferociously._

Danny: Hello? Hello? If anyone's there, I am here to help! Just open this door! _Bangs on the door and finally twists the knob, and the door opens._

Linnea Conner (the real one)'s house

_Danny walks in to see Roommate's body on the floor and the tv is on Full House. Danny turns it off. He goes over to the answering machine and plays the recording back the machine says: _Message 1, 11: 37 pm.

Linnea on the answering machine: Hello? If you're there, please pick up. I don't know if you bothered to see any bit of the news, but it says that I am the only Linnea Conner left! I really am scared. Please come pick me up. I'm located at 8656 Turtlehead Drive. I'm going to call the police again and see if they can help me.

Danny: Oh god, the police! The last thing I need is the law enforcement walking around! They're practically dummies on a stand for the Merlinator! Linnea Conner will be dead for sure in THEIR hands!

The Streets

In a Police Car

Johnson: Alright, do you see him?

Other Officer #1: No, but I'm looking.

Johnson: OK, but we need to catch this killer before...

OO1: I know, before he strikes again.

OO2: What so important about this case anyway?

Johnson: For the last time, it's the only thing going on here except for reruns of "Full House".

OO1: That's pretty pathetic.

Johnson: No kidding. Wish the writer would think outside of the plotline. I mean, If I had any life outside of my job-

OO2: Look! Over there! That's our guy!

Johnson: Name?

OO2: No other name other than the one the neighbor lady gave us, "Danny". Nothing else.

OO1: Turn on the weird noise thing!

_Sound effect of a police siren_

Johnson: Let's go! _They drive after Danny, who somehow runs faster than they, takes a shortcut and runs that direction. _

Klub Krazy

_The Merlinator walks in. He looks around for Linnea, whom he cannot see. He walks up close to her table, but looks the other way when he walks past. Danny walks in and walks up to Waiter. Shot of Linnea hiding under the table._

Danny: Excuse me, have you seen this woman?

Linnea: _under her breath _Oh my god, that's him.

Waiter: Well...

Linnea: Don't tell him- don't tell him...

Waiter: Actually, I did, I remember asking for her order. She seemed to be a wreck.

Linnea: Wonder why.

Danny: _to himself_ Hm. Wonder why. _to waiter _Did you see where she went?

Waiter: I don't know; the last time I checked she was at her-

_Danny sees the Merlinator_

_Danny: somewhat in awe _He's here.

Waiter: Who's here?

Danny: _hurriedly _Thank you for your time, now excuse me- _pushes the waiter towards other people, who provide hurdles for Merlinator. He steps towards Linnea, who quickly runs away. _Wait! Come back!

Waiter: _gets up _What in the world is going on?

Danny: Watch out! _Merlinator has already taken out his gun and has pulled the trigger about halfway. Waiter ducks and lives. _

Danny: In short, you've gotten stuck in a sticky situation. t

Wrong place, wrong time.

Waiter: So who is he really- _beat, realizes _He's after Linnea Conner. But he doesn't know what she looks like? What is his motive?

Danny: It's a long story, now listen, once we leave here, I wt

ant you to call the police. That way maybe it can be a distraction from his mission.

Waiter: So it's a mission?

Danny: I've told you too much already. Do you understand my instructions?

Waiter: Yes. I think so.

Danny: Good. The fate of the future is in your hands. _he runs off_

Waiter: _calls after him _Wait- so you're from the FUTURE?

Scene 7

The Streets

_Crazy chase: Linnea is running away from Danny, who is trying to catch up to Linnea and disable the Merlinator; Danny is being chased by the police, who think he's a serial killer, and the police are being followed by a hobo guy._

Hobo Guy: I'm driving over the speed limit! Arrest me before I become a repeat offender!

Police Car

Johnson: How close are we?

OO2: About 20 yards. This guy sure knows how to run.

OO1: Yeah. Looks like he's army trained.

Johnson: No kidding.

OO1: Looks like we're getting closer.

Johnson: Hold... on....

Streets

_Danny is running from the police car, which by now is right on his tail, and is slowly passing the Merlinator, and (in slow motion) tackles Linnea and the police break to a halt._

Police car

Johnson: Hey! Watch it!

OO2: We almost completely creamed Linnea!

OO1: Who cares about Linnea? We have a suspect!

Johnson: _looking out the window _And a dead would-be suspect.

_Shot of Merlinator, lying on the side of the road._

OO1: Ouch.

OO2: Poor thing. Never got a chance.

Johnson: Sure, whatever. If he's really important to the plot, he's be really alive and just faking dead. If dogs can to it, so can people.

OO1: So what now?

Johnson: Billy, bring 'em downtown.

Scene 8

Police Station

Suspect Room

_Linnea Conner is sitting in the suspect room with Danny. They are sitting quietly, and Linnea dares to speak._

Linnea: Why do you want to kill me?

_Beat_

Danny: If you really want to know, I'm not here to kill you.

Linnea: _to herself _That's a lot of help.

Danny: No, really I'm here to help. _Beat _Do you want to know who REALLY is trying to kill you?

Linnea: Who? What horrible man would want to kill me?

Danny: Not a man, a blonde. Half man, half merlin. I didn't know who it was until he struck.

Linnea: Can't you tell?

Danny: Not with this one; the M-600 series were easy to spot. They had rubber skin, so they really could stand out in a crowd. But these ones, they're made out of latex.

Linnea: Ooh.

Danny: I know, right? So, I waited until he struck to track him down.

Linnea: But why kill those other Linnea Conners first?

Danny: See, he didn't know what you looked like. He had to go completely on programming, no picture, only name. The Merlinator was just going methodically.

Linnea: Programmings? Like a robot?

Danny: Not a robot, a Cyborgitetic Blonde. This is the M-800 series, the first series to have real fake blood coming out of him. The most realistic of the series by far.

Linnea: Wait a second, you know that NASA isn't able to be close to making THOSE yet.

Danny: No. Not for about 50 years.

Linnea: You're…

Danny: Yes…

Linnea: REALLY OLD???

Danny: NO, you idiot, I'm from the future!

Linnea: Ohhhh! I get it!

Danny: Right.

_Police enter_

Johnson: Good morning, Danny.

Danny: Danny Reese to you.

Johnson: Of course. _To OO1 _Get that down, "Alias Danny Reese". _To Danny as SMITH walks in _Of course, Mr. Reese. Now, If he may, Dr. Smith would like to ask you a few questions. _To Linnea _You can come with me. _Johnson and Linnea exit_

Smith: Good Morning, Mr. Reese. Tell me; Are you the one trying to kill Linnea Conner?

Danny: No.

Smith: Who is?

Danny: His name is the Merlinator.

Smith: The Merlinator, what in the world is that?

Danny: Weren't you listening earlier?_ Smith give Danny apologetic look _Oh, come on! Here's the flashback:

_Footage of earlier footage:_

Linnea: Who? What horrible man would want to kill me?

Danny: Not a man, a blonde. Half man, half Merlin. I didn't know who it was until he struck-until he struck-until he struck-

_Current time:_

Smith: I see, but I didn't know that technology was that advanced yet.

Danny: Oh my god, you must me kidding me.

_Flashback:_

Linnea: You know that NASA isn't able to be close to making THOSE yet.

Danny: No. Not for about 50 years.

_Current:_

Smith: Fifty years?

Danny: Give or take. In the year 2056, a war began; A holocaust really.

Smith: A Holocost? How do you know this?

Danny: I was there.

Smith: OK, how could you be here if you are here now?

Danny: A time machine.

Smith: A time machine that transports you to another time, but leaves you naked?

Danny: I DIDN'T BUILD THE GOSH DARN THING, OK????

Smith: Sorry. Didn't know it was a touchy subject.

Danny: It's OK.

Smith: But then it let this "Merlinator" thing in too?

Danny: That's right. I was sent immediately here once we heard of this "Merlinator" being sent back.

Smith: But why kill Linnea Conner?

Danny: It's not her; It's her child.

Outside the room

_Linnea and Johnson are listening to a speaker_

Johnson: Oh my god, oh my god…

Linnea: You think he's crazy?

Johnson: You don't?

Suspect room

Danny: Linnea Conner's son, Sean Conner, is the one that will lead all of the people out of the darkness. All of the Blondes were taking over. He was the one that started fighting back. We had won. This was their last move. Kill him before he's born.

Johnson: Wow. That's- complicated. You must have had HOURS to think of this.

Danny: I'm not lying! This is real!

Johnson: Of course you are. Tell that to the physiologist at the loony house.

Danny: NO! STOP THE INTERFERENCE! CAN'T YOU SEE? YOU CAN'T STOP HIM! HE WILL GET TO HER! THAT'S WHAT HE DOES! THAT'S **ALL **HE DOES! _Johnson stands up in alarm, and Danny calms down._

Danny: You don't understand. He won't stop. He'll NEVER stop. He's a Merlinator. He will kill whoever gets in his way.

Front Desk

_Merlinator walks in._

Man at front desk: How may I help you?

Merlinator: I would like to speak to Linnea Conner.

MAFD: I'm sorry, she's under intensive care.

Merlinator: Right. I am her brother. I would just like to make sure she's OK.

MAFD: Well, that's too bad. Come back in a few hours and you'll be able to see her.

Merlinator: Hm. _Beat _I'll be right here. _He leaves and then, a second later, runs in and runs past MAFD. _

MAFD: Come on, is that the best you can think of?

_Merlinator comes back out and walks back to the place he ran in, waits a few seconds, and then runs past again, throwing a teddy bear as he passes._

MAFD: Hmmm, not very-_ another teddy bear flies past._

Suspect room

Smith: What are you going to do if you succeed your mission? How will you travel back?

Danny: Travel back? Yeah right. No, there's no going back. No return to the future. It's just him, and me. _A teddy bear flies past _And that little teddy bea- wait a second. _Gasp _TAKE COVER! _Hides under table._

Smith: _takes out walky talky and starts talking into it _GET YOUR GUNS BOYZ! THEY'RE TAKING THE STATION!

Danny: _to smith _Let me go.

Smith: The door is unlocked.

Danny: Thank you.

Smith: _in a squeaky voice, as if Danny might be standing on his stomach _No Problem.

_Sequence begins consisting basically of the Merlinator walking down a hallway with a bunch of cops trying to stop him and he shoots them down. Shot of Linnea Conner in a room with Johnson._

Johnson: What in the world is going on? _Gets up _I'm going to see what the trouble is.

Linnea: I'm not sure that's a very good idea-

Johnson: Quiet! I'm the Officer I know what is a good idea is and what a good idea isn't!

Linnea: OK, you go then.

Hallway

_Johnson opens the door to the end of the hallway. He sees the Merlinator, and jumps. He regains strength._

Johnson: Uh, uh, uh.... Put your hands in the air! I-I can be real vicious if I want to be. Gr. See? Rar. Very vicious. So you just put down them guns and it's be just fine. He he he. Yeah.

Merlinator: You are such an idiot.

Johnson: You speak English?

Merlinator: It's my second language.

Johnson: Really? What's your first language? Austrian- Spanish- French?

Merlinator: It's a futuristic language used by computers only, know as "Radi-radi-ra."

Johnson: Really? I don't know that one. How do you say "Hello"?

Merlinator: "Radi-radi-ra!"

Johnson: Hm. How do you say, "Please"?

Merlinator: "Radi-radi-ra"!

Johnson: How do you say, "I've lost my puppy"?

Merlinator: "Ra-ra-ra-ra-ra-radi-ra!"

Johnson: Is there anything that does not include "Radi-ra?"

Merlinator: Yes.

Johnson: Well, let's hear.

Merlinator: Hasa lavista baby. _Shoots Johnson_

Outside suspect room

_Linnea is hiding under the desk, terrified. Shot of Linnea's face as a door creaks open and footsteps come nearer and nearer to where she is hiding._

Danny: _unsure _Linnea?

_Linnea, realizing it's Danny jumps out in surprise and joy _Danny! Danny Reese! _With a serious tone _Listen, we've got to get out of here. I just heard Officer Johnson getting shot.

Danny: What about Smith?

Linnea: Dr. Smith just barely escaped, but he got out before anything got bad.

Danny: Good. He seemed like a nice kid, anyhow. OK, so we go to the back way and-

Linnea: the Merlinator's guarding back there. What's plan B?

Danny: Guarding? Oh, shucks. _Beat, then sigh _I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, but I'm afraid it's our only resort.

Linnea: What is it?

Danny: Well..._beat _OK. So on the count of three we run like manics towards the first exit you can get to!

Linnea: Wait a second, I don't think we should-

Danny: One-two-three go!! _runs for his life, Linnea waits for a second, then runs for her life out of the room._

Scene 9

Outside of the building

_Danny and Linnea meet up. They both pant a little after running a bit. _

Danny: Are you alright?

Linnea: Yeah, you?

Danny: Oh, just fine. _Beat _We need to be going before the Merlinator finds us again.

Linnea: Yeah. Let's go. _They run off._

_Merlinator steps out, not seeing Danny and Linnea for miles_

Merlinator: Oh, darn. Guess I'm gonna have to wait till the sequel to kill them. _Beat _NO! What am I saying? I must not give up so easily! Carpi Daium! Seize the day by the seat of my pants! Fly free, brothers and sister, I say FLY FREE!!! _at this point, Merlinator is jumping up and down flapping his hands like bird wings. Continues for a moment, realizes the silliness of what he is doing, and stops. _How about I just kill Linnea Conner so that I complete my mission. Or, as we say in "Radi-Radi-Ra", Radi-Radi-Radi-Radi! Boink!

The Streets

_Danny and Linnea are stumbling around, incredibly tired._

Danny: Uhhh...

Linnea: Help me, help me...

_Waiter walks out_

Waiter: Well! There you two kids are!

Linnea: Who are you?

Danny: Wait! _Takes out a sheet of paper _OK, cast list.

Linnea: How did you get that?

Danny: Internet.

Waiter: Oh! I just remembered that I got a box from Amazon today!

Linnea: Really? What is it?

Waiter: Shave the cream! Shaving cream!

Danny: We really ought to copyright that phrase.

Linnea: Whatever.

Waiter: You'll both catch cold if you say there. Why don't you come on inside?

Danny: Sure, as soon as I figure who you are- looks at list OK, we have the Merlinator, and then there's that weird dude that the Merlinator kills, and then there's me, of course, and then that weird neighbor lady, and all of those weird Linnea Conners, and the gun store owner, and the news people, and the roommate, and the weird officer guy, and then I am running away and then there's that waiter- oh, that's you! the waiter guy!

Waiter: Yeah, now what in the world is going on?

Danny: Here's the recap:

_Flashback:_

OO2: We almost completely creamed Linnea!

OO1: Who cares about Linnea? We have a suspect!

_Real Life narration:_

Danny: Shows how great those police are. And then they were questioning me like crazy with some idiot doctor.

_Flashback:_

Linnea: Who? What horrible man would want to kill me?

Danny: Not a man, a blonde. Half man, half merlin. I didn t know who it was until he struck.

Danny: See, he didn t know what you looked like. He had to go completely on programming, no

picture, only name. The Merlinator was just going methodically.

Linnea: Programmings? Like a robot?

Danny: Not a robot, a Cyborgitetic Blonde. This is the M-800 series, the first series to have real fake

blood coming out of him. The most realistic of the series by far.

Linnea: Wait a second, you know that NASA isn t able to be close to making THOSE yet.

Danny: No. Not for about 50 years.

_Narration:_

Waiter: So you ARE from the future!

Danny: Quiet!

_Flashback:_

Smith: But why kill Linnea Conner?

Danny: It s not her; It s her child.

Danny: Linnea Conner s son, Sean Conner, is the one that will lead all of the people out of the

darkness. All of the Blondes were taking over. He was the one that started fighting back. We had won.

This was their last move. Kill him before he s born.

Danny: You don t understand. He won t stop. He ll NEVER stop. He s a Merlinator. He will kill

whoever gets in his way.

_clip of Sequence consisting basically of the Merlinator walking down a hallway with a bunch of cops_

_trying to stop him and he shoots them down._

_Narration ending in shot of Danny:_

Danny: The Merlinator slaughtered every single cop in that station. The Merlinator is more powerful than even I imagined.

Waiter: Deep man, real deep. You are coming inside, and I am making you both some nice hot cocoa.

Linnea: OK, sounds fine with me.

Danny: Cool.

Klub Krazy

_Linnea and Danny sit at a table while Waiter is making hot chocolate._

Waiter: So tell me more about this child of Linnea Conner's. Why is he so important?

Danny: Sean Conner was the only hope in the resistance. He's kind of a celebrity, as the go in the future. People don't really ask for his autograph, they just admire him a lot. You too.

Linnea: Me?

Danny: Yeah, you would have already died when I was born. You know the reason I came here? Why, to meet the famous Linnea Conner, the one that snapped a M-600 series neck open.

Linnea: Oh, no, no no no! I don't want any of this! I don't want to be famous! I don't want to be some Sigourney Weaver, I just want to be me! I want to be the one that has a job, and maybe even a kid, as long as that kid doesn't have to become some post-apocalyptic savior! I don't want to save the world!

Danny: _beat _The heck with a hot chocolate, give me some of that.

Waiter: OK, as you wish. _pours a glass of something that looks alcoholic _Here you go.

_Danny drinks it, and slams glass on the table._

Danny: I'm going to bed. _stomps out_

Waiter: Your words seemed to take a toll on him.

Linnea: Oh, dear, oh my. What have I done? Maybe-maybe I should go talk to him.

Waiter: I'm not sure if that would be such a good idea.

Linnea: Well, do you have any better idea?

Waiter: Alas, I do not. Go, talk to the man. But if he just gets more angry from the talk, don't blame me. _Linnea starts walking, but apruptly stops._

Linnea: Wait! I have something to ask you.

Waiter: What is it?

Linnea: Do you think he- you know, Danny, is crazy?

Waiter: Crazy? Crazy? _in a dramatic tone of voice _Who is to say who is crazy? Maybe the truly insane are the enforcers that believe that the ones insane must be locked up! It's possible that the truly insane are ordinary people like you and I. If nuthouses included all of the nuts of the world, does that mean that it would be everyone's home? Do simple quirks make a man crazy? Does a lack of quirks make a man crazy? Are there people that are truly and fully sane? This is not a question for anyone like you or I, but for a genius, some great philosopher to truly answer.

Linnea: Sure, but what do you think?

Waiter: I don't think so, but then again, who am I to say? My father thought he was a walrus at one point in time.  
Linnea: Your daddy had it easy. Danny thinks he's fighting in World War 3.

Waiter: Well? Is he?

Scene 10

The Streets

_Danny is sitting on the street, sleeping with a wool blanket on top of him._

Linnea: Hey. Danny? You know, I'm sorry I was so harsh. I mean- all of this. It's just such a big thing, the end of the world. And I mean, It's hard to deal with that, just 48 hours ago I was pretty much nobody, and now I'm some hero? I mean, it's hard. Really hard to even begin to imagine. You know?

Danny: Yeah, I guess. You were always so tough, when I heard about you. You were a hero, and I can get that you don't know heros outside of the TV set. And I guess I need to learn to accept that. But-_takes out a photo _This is a photo of you. It's pretty much all I had, back in the future. It must not be far off of what you look like now. It could be taken tomorrow for all I know. But I think that this must be when you're with child.

Linnea: I can see that.

Danny: See, I've gone all of this way, through time and space, because of almost solitarily from this picture. You know, I went all of this way, for one person. That person is you. You, Linnea. Sure, it might, deep down somewhere, have some trace of love of justice, for the need to save Sean Conner, but mostly, it's for you. I need you, Linnea.

Klub Krazy

_Waiter is sweeping up the club while whistling "The Andy Griffith Show" theme. Suddenly, he realizes that the camera is looking at him and looks at the camera awkwardly._

Waiter: Well? What the world are you doing looking at me for?

_Title come up saying: _Time Passes.

Waiter: Oh, I see. There is a random scene going on in the last place so you're just going to the place that would seem at least mildly fit for another scene. So while those peeps do whatever, I'm gonna do a completely random scene that has nothing to do with the plot, but can take up some time.

_JAMES BLOND enters_

Waiter: Who are you?

Blond: The name's Blond, James Blond.

Waiter: But this isn't a James Blond movie, "From Japan with Hate"_ or, if "From Japan with Hate is really done _"You Only Live Thrice" isn't even filmed yet!

Blond: So what? I still am awesome!

Waiter: But you're completely unrelated to the plotline!

Blond: But I'm STILL awesome and something must take up all of this space that otherwise would be nothing!

Waiter: OK, fine, what was your plan?

Blond: Well, I don't know. How about we do an Abbot and Costello sketch?

Waiter: Sure!

Baseball Stadium

Blond: Who's on first?

Waiter: Yep.

Blond: Who?

Waiter; That's right?

Blond: But who is it?

Waiter: I know, why are you so insistent about it?

Blond: Whatever. Who's on second?

Waiter: No. Who's on first.

Blond: What?

Waiter: Who's on first, what's on second.

Blond: I don't know, dirt?

Waiter: No, What.

Blond: I don't know, what?  
Waiter: What's on second.

Blond: How am I supposed to know?

Waiter: Listen: Who's on first, and What is on on second?

Blond: I don't know, What?

Waiter: You're getting it!

Blond: Who's on Third?

Waiter: Who as in the who in question form?

Blond: Yeah, I guess.

Waiter: I don't know.

Blond: What do you mean you don't know! Are you paying any attention to this game?

Waiter: Of course I am.

Blond: Then why aren't you telling me who's on Third?

Waiter: But he's not, I don't know's on third!

Blond: Who?

Waiter: I don't know!

Blond: Then pay attention!

Waiter: I am!

Blond: Then tell me Who is on first.

Waiter: Yes. Who is on first.

Blond: That's what I asked you.

Waiter: And you are right.

Blond: What?

Waiter: That's right. He's on second.

Blond: Thank you.

Waiter: And I don't know is on third.

Blond: I don't know?

Waiter: YES!

Blond: I DON'T KNOW!!!!

Waiter: THAT'S RIGHT!!!!!

Blond: THANK YOU!!!!

Waiter: You are welcome!

Blond: Goodbye!

Waiter: Goodbye then!

_Blond exits_

Waiter: Uh…well, now I can finally go back to my sweeping and let you kids go back to your regularly scheduled programming. See yall!

Scene 11

The Streets

Linnea: So what do you think?

Danny: I'm not sure, but from what it looks like, radioactive hiperwaves seemed to have transfered through the sibortic quortex that was just created in our experiment that the audience missed because of some lame Abbott and Costello sketch.

Linnea: I think I know that, but what does this tell us about the Merlinator?

Danny: Well, there is some definite Iporgitronic cell systems hiding inside the Goragrtonic quartex that is powering the Merlinator. I know that there is a way, and that is will be found out within the next 5 minutes of this film, but I'm not sure what. It will come to me.

Linnea: Alright. You think.

Linnea Conner's House

_The Merlinator enters. He finds a spoon or some other odd eating utensil in the cupboard. He brings it close to his eye, and a shot of a fake looking eye falling onto the floor. A shot of the Merlinator in a fake looking mask with him without an eye, and under that is just black. He then puts on some sunglasses, and a shot of him without the mask and just the sunglasses._

Merlinator: I like cheese.

_The Merlinator looks around in Linnea's house and finds a book of addresses. Looks in the book and zooms up on this caption: _My Cabin: (the one that I go to if I'm in a lot of danger, like if someone is trying to kill me) 1826 Hollybear Lane, Holland, MN.

Merlinator: Holland? Cool. I think that'll be a good place to see where they're hiding.

The Streets

Danny: I've got it!

Linnea: What do we have to do?

Danny: Well, I've found out that Cybertechtonic waves are unmanageable and highly explosive if hit by highly magnified sound waves!

Linnea: Which means...

Danny: Which means that in order to destroy the Merlinator....

Linnea: What?

Danny: We have a dance off!

Linnea: Oh, come on! That is the most lame and the most highly used excuse to include a dance in a YPT play! Not for a no dollar budget at least considering a budget movie!

Danny: OK, how about this- OK, give me the cue-

Linnea: Which means...

Danny: Which means that in order to destroy the Merlinator....

Linnea: How?

Danny: We're going to need to play incredibly loud music!

Linnea: Eh, better. Let's go over to my house, I know that my roommate has a ton of hard rock we could use.

Danny: Fine with me.

Linnea's House

_Linnea and Danny walk into the house. The house is totally messed up._

Danny: I was here before. This is worse than before. Who could have been in here in the last 24 hours? The Dead Body Squad?

Linnea: No. That smelly thing is still there.

_Shot of Roommate dead._

Danny: What about the police?

Linnea: They would have taken the dead body.

Danny: It would have to be someone that didn't use their sense of smell. This place smells like something dead! Maybe even two dead things!

Linnea: Or someone's eye was ripped out.

Danny: That's disgusting, Linnea. Don't even MENTION that.

Linnea: OK, gosh.

Danny: So do you see any music?

_Linnea finds several CDs lying on the floor_

Linnea: It looks like these CD are all horribly damaged. They aren't even close to being able to play.

Danny: Augg! That's it!

Linnea: What's it?

Danny: The Merlinator was here! Twice! See if he took any of your personal belongings.

Linnea: _searching through things _All of my valuables are here.

Danny: Unless your valuables are weapons, I'm not sure he would want it. He might have stolen something like maybe a phonebook? Somewhere with lots of addresses.

Linnea: I have an address book! Let me see if I can find it! _Looks around and finds it, then pages through it _Wait! One page is missing!

Danny: Do you remember what was on that page?

Linnea: Uhhhhh, I think it was my cabin! That's it!

Danny: Do you know where your cabin is?

Linnea: It's just in Holland.

Danny: Holland. Great place.

Linnea: I know. Do you think he would be there?

Danny: Sure, but I think if he doesn't find you there, he'll come strait back here. That means we don't have much time.

Linnea: What do we do?

Danny: I have a great song that would be perfect for the destruction of the Merlinator.

Linnea: What is it?

Danny: Well, it was a sensation back at war camp. It's kind of a dance.

Linnea: Show me.

Danny: Well… It's just a jump to the left, here, jump. _She does _And then do a step to the right…_fade out_

The Streets

_The Merlinator walks out from behind a big thing of trees and walks purposefully towards the direction of life._

_Shot of Merlinator going up to Linnea's house and walking in. He sees no one, so he walks out again._

Klub Krazy

Waiter: OK, cool. That sounds fun. I've never destroyed a robot before. What the song called?

Danny: It's the new sensation sweeping the future. They call it… the Time Warp.

Waiter: This is going to take more than three people to destroy the Merlinator.

Danny: You're right. _Opens door _Hey, who wants to sing and dance and destroy a robot? _Pulls out HOBO _Here, this guy does.

Hobo: Uh, cool. Can I has a cheeseburger?

Waiter: I guess. _Hands him a bottle of shaving cream _So, now shall we practice?

Danny: Sure. OK, all, first you jump to the left, _singing a capella _And then a step to the right _spoken _You put your hands on your hips and then tuck your knees in nice and tight _singing with at least a small amount of accompaniment _But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane _spoken _Let's try it again.

Scene 12

Outside of Klub Krazy

The Streets

_The Merlinator walks up to Klub Krazy's door._

Merlinator: This is where she hid before. Perhaps she would hide in there again, even though there's only a 37.8888 Percent chance, there's always there's still a chance, even though not a very big one. _Looks at door _I'm going in. _makes a loading gun sound_

Klub Krazy

_As the door opens, the intro of the song begins. During the 3½ measures of intro, the Merlinator shoots at the audience with a Nerf© gun. Then a shot of Danny's face, with a rock star/pop star/Zac Efron look on his face. _

Danny: _sing speaking _It's astounding, time is fleeting _shot of chorus taping their feet_ Madness takes its toll But listen closely, _singing_ not for very much longer I've got to keep control  
I remember doing the TIme Warp Drinking those moments when The blackness would hit me and the void would be calling Let's do the time warp again...  
Chorus: _singing_ Let's do the time warp again!

Danny: _spoken_ It's just a jump to the left  
Chorus: _singing_ And then a step to the right  
Danny: _spoken_ With your hands on your hips _singing_ You bring your knees in tight

Chorus: _singing_ But it's the pelvic thrust

Danny: _singing_ that really drives you insane, Let's do the Time Warp again!  
Waiter: singing It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me So you can't see me, no not at all  
Danny: _singing_ In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention Well-secluded, I see all  
Waiter: With a bit of a mind flip  
Danny+Waiter: You're there in the time slip And nothing can ever be the same

Waiter: You're spaced out on sensation

Danny: Like you're under sedation  
Chorus: Let's do the Time Warp again!  
Linnea: _singing_ Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink

Hobo:_ spoken _Wink.  
Linnea: _singing_ He shook me up, he took me by surprise He had a pickup truck and the devil's eyes. He stared at me and I felt a change Time meant nothing, never would again  
Chorus: Let's do the Time Warp again!

Linnea: _spoken _It's just a jump to the left

Chorus: _singing_ And then a step to the right

Waiter: _spoken_ With your hands on your hips

Chorus: _singing_ You bring your knees in tight

Chorus + Merlinator: _shot on Merlinator as he is singing and dancing _But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane

Chorus: Let's do the Time Warp again! _As the music is fading, the Merlinator falls to the ground, and twitches._

Waiter: Good god. You killed him.

Linnea: I thought you liked him. He liked you.

Danny: _yelling _He didn't like me! He never liked me! _In a regular tone of voice _Who's side are you on, anyway? He's a Merlinator. He needed to kill. He had to be killed. _Looks at the audience _Or possibly reprogrammed so in the next film he can come back! _Looking back at Linnea_ The time has come for me to go.

Linnea: Ah. I shall cry.

Danny: But you so wanted me to tame you.

Linnea: Yes. That is so.

Danny: Then this has done you no good at all.

Linnea: It has done me good, because of the wheatfields-

Waiter: OH MY GOD WILL YOU GUYS JUST BE QUIET!!!

Linnea: What has your pajamas in a bunch?

Waiter: You know what you both are quoting?

Linnea: Uh, no. Uhhhhh, the script?

Waiter: No, you are both quoting first "The Rocky Horror Show", which was slightly appropriate, seeing as you both just finished a song from the "Rocky Horror Show", but then you guys started quoting the "Little Prince"? Sooo last year!!

Danny: Well excuse me, princess!

Waiter: Ug! _Exits_

Danny: I must leave. My purpose is done here.

Linnea: I will miss you every day.

Danny: Really?

Linnea: Probably not, but this is supposed to me some cheesy romance scene, so it seems appropriate.

Danny: Oh, Linnea. _At least fake crying _I'll miss you too!! _Dramatic music plays as an overwhelming amount of light is pouring around Danny as he looks up to the sky, and then a sonic boom sounds and Danny is gone._

Scene 13

Ext. Quick Trip

_Linnea bikes up to Quick Trip and pulls up to LITTLE BOY._

Linnea: Can I help you?

Little Boy: My mom has left my daddy ditched her I wonder if I could take your picture? _Snaps picture_

Linnea: You just are such a funny little boy. Why do you rhyme so much?

LB: Is a rhyme any crime?

Linnea: Here; I'd like a coke with a twist of lime.

LB: I'll find some, it'll take some time.

Linnea: That's OK, I'm not in a hurry.

LB: Then you have no plausible reason to worry.

_LB leaves_

Linnea: _takes out tape recorder _Hello, this is your mother. Hmmmmm… how much shall I tell you about your father? I'm guessing if I told you it would skrew up your life, so I won't. I'll tell you he was a good man. He, taught me things about things I never knew. And I will be forever grateful for that. _LB enters and Linnea puts tape recorder away._

LB: Here comes your diet coke, now could I have some money for I am broke. _Linnea gives him money _And now I am a little bit richer, I think it is time to give you your picture. _Hands her a picture _

Linnea: I've seen this before, but well then I can never be sure.

_Flashback:_

_Danny showing Linnea picture of her, then in present day a fade to the same picture in her hands._

Linnea: _deep in thought, singing _And even though Danny is gone now, I still feel the same Compared to everything I had experienced Life now seems a game When there was a robot Or a whatever With that gigantic name You would think it was funny Until YOU were running!

Linnea + LB: Let's do the time warp again!

LB: _spoken _They say a storm is coming from the radio.

Linnea: Spare me boy, for I already know. I'll be back. _She bikes off_

LB: Jeepers creepers. Can she do a sleeper?

**The End**

**OR IS IT?????**


End file.
